Laken's Surrender (Haven) Read online

  Jumping, she glared at him, reaching around to rub her butt. “What was that for?”

  “Attention on me. You’re not to think, understand me?”

  “You can’t just tell me not to think. What do you expect me to do, switch my brain off?”

  “Yes,” he told her calmly, leading her over to the free area. Two leather cuffs attached to a long chain that hung from the ceiling. Perfect.

  She snorted, then muttered, “I can’t believe that out of a hundred thousand sperm, you were the quickest.”

  Duncan stopped, and then turned. “Want to repeat that?”

  She gulped. “No, Sir.”

  “Good. Strip.”

  Her eyes widened, a tiny hint of fear shining through.

  He cupped her cheek, feeling her tremble. “Laken, eyes on me.”

  She raised her gaze.

  “Who am I?”

  “Duncan.”

  He ran his hands down her arms, partly to soothe her, partly to reassure himself that she was still here.

  “Who is touching you? Say my name.”

  “Duncan.” Her breathing eased, falling into a rhythm.

  “Do you trust me to take care of you?”

  “Yes,” she told him without hesitation. Her quick reply warmed him. Damn, he’d missed her.

  “Strip for me, baby. Just for me.”

  She glanced around at the people starting to gather, then pulled off her dress.

  Duncan’s breath caught as her beauty was revealed. A lacy, lavender camisole hugged her body, while a matching G-string kept her pussy from his gaze.

  He wanted her naked.

  “All of it.”

  “No.”

  He raised his eyebrow.

  “Sorry, Sir. I can’t. It’s a hard limit. The camisole stays on or I don’t play.”

  He stared at her thoughtfully. What was going on? Sure, she wasn’t big on exhibitionism, but it had never been a hard limit.

  “Mind if I ask why?”

  “I’d rather not talk about it right now, Sir.”

  She was starting to look panicked and that was the last thing he wanted. So he backed off. He wanted to push her comfort level, but he didn’t want her afraid.

  But he would push her eventually.

  He drew her in, holding her against his body as he kissed her. He dropped his hands to her butt. He’d always loved her ass. There was less of it now. And she felt more fragile in his arms. That was something to tackle another day.

  Right now, he needed his gorgeous sub to surrender.

  When he stepped away, she whimpered, her eyes closed, her face flushed. Perfect.

  “All right, the camisole stays on.” He moved her into place.

  “Raise your arms, sugar.”

  Her eyes popped open, their deep blue depths filled with trepidation as she glanced up at the cuffs.

  “Duncan?” she said nervously.

  “Shh, it’s okay,” he soothed, running his hands over her. Some Dom’s might have come down hard on her for questioning him, for hesitating. But those Dom’s would have been idiots. Sure, she needed boundaries, but she also needed reassurance, to know he had her best interests at heart. “What’s your safe word?”

  “Odie,” she replied.

  “You’ll use it if you need to,” he kept his voice stern.

  She nodded.

  “Words, sugar.”

  “Yes, Sir.” The words went instantly to his cock, which swelled to the point of pain.

  “Arms up, I won’t repeat myself.”

  She raised her hands up immediately and he stopped, running his hands over her bottom.

  “Very nice.”

  Her breathing calmed at his words, her need to please him overcoming her trepidation.

  He drew the cuffs around her wrists, checking to make sure they weren’t too tight.

  “Legs apart.” He strapped her ankles wide apart. “There. You look so beautiful. So sweet. It was pretty naughty of you to come here without me, wasn’t it, sugar? Why couldn’t you come to me? Talk to me?”

  He massaged his hands over her back, then her bottom as he spoke.

  “Tell me why you came here tonight instead of coming to me.”

  “I can’t.”

  He sighed, then smacked his hand over her ass, faster and faster, keeping his strikes focused on her buttocks and thighs. Pausing, he moved around her so he could see her face. Her eyes were closed, her breath coming in fast pants.

  “Eyes on me, sugar.” She opened them, staring at him and he smiled as he rubbed her bottom then dipped his hand lower, beneath her panties, and ran his fingers through her folds.

  Sweet dew coated his digits. He drew his fingers into his mouth as she watched on.

  “Delicious.”

  He moved to the wall of toys, wishing he’d brought his bag. She was nicely red, her breathing coming quickly, nipples hard beneath her bra. Reaching up, he grabbed a flogger.

  “Not much of a punishment when you enjoy it so much, is it, sugar?” he drawled, turning back to her with the flogger in hand.

  Laken’s eyes seized on the flogger and suddenly her breathing became frantic. She thrashed against her restraints, whimpers of fear coming from her.

  “Fuck!” He dropped the flogger and leaped towards her.

  “She’s panicking,” someone called out urgently.

  Chapter Seven

  Laken was aware of the deep voices around her, but the words themselves didn’t register. She tried to move. The arms holding her tightened and a familiar scent surrounded her.

  Duncan.

  “She’s coming back,” Duncan said. “You can leave now.”

  “Not until I make sure she’s all right,” Saxon insisted.

  All right? Why wouldn’t she be all right? She was with Duncan after all. He’d never let anyone hurt her.

  Where was she? Why the hell was she half-naked and wrapped in a blanket?

  “I would never do anything to hurt her,” Duncan growled.

  Of course he wouldn’t. Duncan would lose his right arm before harming her. Except Saxon sounded so concerned…

  She opened her eyes, her whole body jerking as she gasped in a deep breath.

  “Laken, you’re safe. I’m here. Nothing can hurt you.” Duncan’s words flowed through her as she shuddered. A panic attack. She’d had a panic attack. In the middle of the club.

  Oh God. This is what she had feared. That she’d lose control in a room full of people. If this happened when she was around others, how would she ever be able to give up control when she was alone with a man?

  “Laken, look at me.”

  Instead of doing as Saxon demanded, she buried in closer to Duncan. His arms were like steel bands around her. Feelings of safety washed over her.

  “I think you’ve got your answer,” Duncan snarled.

  “I want to see her face. I want to know she’s back in control,” Saxon demanded.

  A growl rumbled through Duncan’s chest, but he tipped up her chin.

  “Sugar, look at Saxon.”

  She obeyed the soft command, turning her head to look into Saxon’s dark gaze.

  “I-I’m okay.”

  Saxon narrowed his eyes. Obviously she hadn’t sounded very convincing.

  “You don’t have to stay with him, sweetheart. You can come with me.”

  “Fuck off,” Duncan snarled.

  Laken shook her head. “It wasn’t Duncan. He didn’t do anything wrong.”

  No, this cluster fuck was all her fault.

  Saxon stared at her for a long moment before nodding. “If you need me anytime for anything, you will call me.” His voice was solid command. Standing up, he left.

  Laken let out a long breath.

  “Damn interfering bastard,” Duncan muttered as he held a bottle of water up to her mouth. “Drink up, sugar.”

  She swallowed it down, surprised by the sweet, orange flavor.

  “More, baby. You need to rehydrate.”

  She wasn’t sure what he meant but the water soothed her parched throat. It felt as though she’d been yelling.

  Or crying a lot.

  “W-where are we?” she asked once she’d finished the water.

  “In one of Saxon’s private rooms. He wouldn’t let me leave with you, not that you were in a state to go anywhere. I freed your wrists and ankles, then carried you up here. You were crying, frantic. Laken, I want to know what happened.”

  She took in a deep breath. “Help me sit up.” With a soft grumble, he raised her up. She scooted over until she was sitting beside him on the large, comfortable leather couch. She looked around the dark room. There was just this couch, a spanking bench and a huge wardrobe. Oh, and the ceiling was a mirror. One giant mirror.

  “It wasn’t anything you did. It’s me. All me.”

  He shook his head, watching her. “No. No more hiding. You tell me what is going on. Why did you panic? Did I push you too hard? You were fine until I grabbed the flogger.”

  She shuddered, a whimper escaping.

  Duncan watched the blood drain from Laken’s face, turning it sickly gray.

  His guts churned. He’d terrified her.

  “I wasn’t sure I could handle being tied up. But it felt right, you know? I could hear everyone around me, you were close by, I felt safe and secure. The spanking sent me off into a hazy place, I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

  “Tell me why you panicked.”

  “I went back to when he was hurting me.”

  Who was he? Who had hurt her?

  “Laken,” he said, grimacing at the harsh tone of his voice. She needed gentleness now. Not something that came to him naturally, particularly when he was on edge. He took a steadying breath, trying to hold back his raw emotions.

  “Baby, look at me.”

  She opened her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  He rocked back in surprise. “You’re sorry? For what?”

  “For acting like a madwoman. That must have been so embarrassing for you, having me react like that. I’m more trouble than I’m worth, you know.”

  “Fuck that. I wasn’t embarrassed. I was terrified. And to me, you are worth all the trouble in the world.”

  “That’s not what you used to think. I was just there to scratch an itch, someone you visited when you had the time.”

  Fuck, fuck, fuck. Did she really believe that? “Laken, that’s not true. I understand how you could think that. If I could change the past, I would go back and slap the man I was then until he saw sense. I was in a huge rush to make a success of myself and I sacrificed you in order to get there. I’ve regretted it ever since. But you were never, ever an itch to me.”

  Her eyes, so large in her pale face, showed her surprise. “Really?” she asked in a small voice. God, she was tiny. Her personality made her seem much bigger than she was. She never hesitated to go head-to-head with him despite being a foot shorter than his own six foot four, and a hundred pounds lighter.

  Duncan brushed her strawberry-blonde hair off her face, then leaned back against the arm of his chair.

  “Sugar, you mean everything to me. You always have. I wanted to build us a great life, to be the provider that my father never was. I was an idiot. Hell, I’m surprised you put up with it for as long as you did. You were always a fighter, Laken. The last thing I expected was for you to run away, to ignore me. Why didn’t you fight for us?”

  Laken heard the hurt in Duncan’s voice, although his face never changed expression. She longed to scoot closer to him, to surround herself in his heat, in the inherent safety that came from being held in his arms.

  Laken swallowed. “I didn’t run,” she whispered.

  “What?” he asked, his hand still on her head.

  “I didn’t run.” She drew her legs against her chest, looking at the far wall.

  “You wouldn’t answer my calls. You wouldn’t see me.”

  “I couldn’t.” She barked out a laugh, even though there was nothing humorous about the situation. “I was a bit tied up.”

  Oh God, she was becoming hysterical. From the corner of her eye, she saw the concerned look he sent her. Yep, any moment he was going to haul her off to the funny farm. Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm herself.

  “That night you were supposed to visit, I was so excited. I’d just learned about my promotion a few days before, but I was saving the news to tell you in person. I’d cooked your favorite food for dinner. I bought some new lingerie, a bottle of wine. Only you didn’t show. A few hours and some glasses of wine later, I was mad. I tried calling you but you weren’t answering so I did something really stupid.”

  Duncan ran his hand up and down her back. She stiffened, then forced herself to relax and accept his comfort.

  “I decided to go to the club and find another Dom. It was just a stupid, childish act of revenge. I couldn’t go through with it, of course. When I got to the club, I realized I didn’t want anyone else. I guess I was trying to punish you. Stupid, huh?”

  “What did you do?”

  “I stayed at the club for a while, had a few drinks with friends. Then I left.”

  Memories clawed at her, threatening to swallow her into their depths. Her breath sawed in and out of her lungs.

  “Easy, baby. You’re safe, I’m here.” Duncan placed an arm around her shoulders and she threw herself against his chest, desperately needing him.

  “I was so stupid. Such an idiot,” she berated herself.

  “Hush,” he said firmly, in a voice she knew all too well. “No talking down about yourself.” The warning in his voice came through loud and clear. He’d always claimed it was his job to protect her, even from herself.

  “It’s just the truth. If I had just stayed home. If I’d gotten someone to give me a ride home…”

  He stiffened beside her. “What happened, Laken?”

  “I was walking to the bus stop,” she whispered.

  “The bus? You were taking the bus at night?” he yelled, turning her to face him. He tilted her face up, his hand gentle, his eyes raging.

  Laken bit her lip. “I didn’t have money for a taxi.”

  Duncan swore under his breath. “What about the emergency money I gave you?”

  She frowned. “But that was your money.”

  “I gave it to you to use if you ever needed it.”

  “Oh,” she said. “I didn’t really ever figure on using it unless you had an emergency and needed something.”

  “Jesus, Laken. The bus? Don’t you realize how dangerous that is?”

  “Yeah,” she told him. “I do.”

  “Oh God.” Horror filled his face. “What happened?”

  “I never made it to the bus. I was attacked.”

  “Oh fuck… fuck, baby, I’m going to lift you back onto my lap now.” There was pain in his voice and when she glanced up, she was shocked to see tears in his eyes. Reaching up, she cupped his cheek as he lifted her, settling her on his lap.

  “Can you tell me what happened?” He forced himself to phrase it as a question even though he wanted to demand she tell him everything.

  “I tripped and someone grabbed me, dragged me into an alley. He must have followed me from the club. Seems he didn’t like BDSM and he thought I was a dirty slut for participating. I don’t know how long he was watching me for.” She shuddered.

  “What happened? What did he do to you?”

  She bit her lip. “He hurt me. Hit me. I have a few scars from where he cut me. But even worse was the way he spoke to me, like I was dirty and wicked. I escaped him, though,” she said with satisfaction. “I kicked him in the balls and while he was on the ground I knocked him out and ran.”

  “That’s my girl,” he told her and she sent him a small smile.

  “How did he hurt you? What did he do?”

  “I don’t like to think about it.” She looked up at him with large, bruised eyes. He needed her to talk to him about this, needed to know what triggers she had, but it didn’t have to be tonight. Now that she’d opened up to him, they could work through the rest.

  “It’s not that I thought you were him or that I’m afraid of you. I’m not. I’m not scared of sex or being touched. I’ve been to therapy and I’ve worked through my issues around being intimate. I never freaked out on Ricky. But Ricky and I, well, the sex was very vanilla. I was always scared that I’d freak out. And hey, clever me, I was right.” She laughed but it wasn’t pleasant sounding.

  “Hush, sugar. You had every reason to panic. I set off a trigger. I knew you had reservations about playing and instead of talking those through with you first, I dove right in.” She heard the recrimination in his voice. This wasn’t his fault. None of it. Which is why she’d deliberately glossed over what had happened. She knew he would feel guilty about what happened to her. There was no reason to compound that guilt with horrible details she didn’t want to think about.

  “I’m not sure why I panicked so much, though. I know you won’t hurt me. My emotions were running high and I haven’t been sleeping that well, not since that bitch tried to hurt Lila.”

  Even though it had been Lila in danger, Laken had felt so helpless, so powerless. Just as she’d felt three years ago.

  “I think what happened to Lila brought everything back to me. I mean, it wasn’t the same, but it was my fault that Lila was nearly killed, just like it was my fault that I...” her voice trailed off.

  “That was not your fault,” he told her fiercely. He clasped her face in his hands. “Neither was what happened to Lila.”

  She knew he spoke the truth, but that didn’t help her feelings of guilt.

  “Please tell me that the cops got him,” he said.

  “No, afraid not.”

  “Motherfucking son of a goat. Inbreed, ass-wipe son of a bitch.” Laken listened on in growing surprise as he spewed out insult after insult.

  Finally, he calmed down and just held her tight. “Come on, sugar. Let’s go home.”

  ***

  Duncan lay awake, staring at the ceiling. Guilt ate a hole in his stomach. God, it was all his fault. If he could go back and kick his younger self’s ass, he would. His whole body stiffened as he thought of everything she had gone through. She’d been abused, hurt and all while he had been cursing her for being a spoiled brat.

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